Something amazing happened when I told my mother this …
I told you in this blog about a trauma from my youth. It tells the story of how my mother has beaten and kicked me severely and what impact that had on my life.
This serious abuse was not an incident
My mother was a dominant woman, who kept the people around her under control with violence. For example, she had a stick next to her plate and beat us (the children) hard on her fingers when we didn’t listen to her. My father beat and scolded as well, so there was no protection from him.
My parents had good intentions but lacked the skills to educate children
Only after years of therapy, coaching, and healing I did understand that my parents had absolutely good intentions, they wanted us to have a better life than they did themselves. But they simply lacked the skills to educate children in a healthy way.
When my mother fell ill, she needed more help. It was difficult for her to accept it
At the end of her life, my mother fell ill. She needed more help. Together with my brothers and sisters, I looked after her. It was difficult for her to accept that help. The more she became dependent, the more unmanageable she became. She was scolding even more and there was always something negative to notice.
I got burn-out symptoms
I became very tired of it because I gave so much and only got back ungratefulness. At one point I couldn’t do it anymore, it became so bad that I got burn-out symptoms again.
Then I did the scariest thing of my life
I was going to tell my mother that I couldn’t see her for a while. That I needed time to recover. I was afraid that she would be outraged and that she would turn me away. But I did it anyway, I wanted to stand up for myself.
Through all the therapy I had done, I was able to conduct this conversation with respect and love. I told her that I knew she had good intentions. That she often gave the impression that everything I did was not good, although I knew she didn’t mean it. That I couldn’t cope with that anymore and was getting ill.
Then something amazing happened!
She said that I hadn’t done something wrong. She was worried about me, that I was sick. She wanted to do everything she could to make me get better again, even if that meant that we wouldn’t see each other for a while. At that moment I saw her pure good intention, a mother who wants the best for her child.
Now that I write this, the tears jump into my eyes again, so emotionally it was!
What happened at that time?
I stepped out of the pattern of giving, giving and giving for the sake of keeping the peace. I showed her how I really felt. I chose for myself and my health. I spoke my truth. My mother, for her part, showed her love for me and gave me something from her heart.
I stepped out of the pattern of over-giving
That moment was the beginning of the healing of a pattern that I had in my entire life: giving too much and receiving too little. That pattern was everywhere:
- in my relationship with my ex-husband, it seemed he never had enough, whatever I did
- in my jobs, where I worked until I got burn-out
- in my business, I gave too much value for what I charged
This had a positive effect on my revenue!
Once I recovered, I felt better than ever before. And very special: I found the form in which I liked to work (online training) and my revenue raised with leaps! Apparently, I was able to receive a lot more energetically because I had stepped out of the pattern of over-giving.
Want about you? Do you give too much and receive too little?
How does that show up in your business? What makes it hard to stop that pattern? Please leave your comment here below, I’ll always answer!
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